Sunday, 19 June 2011


Exams start tomorrow and I'm freaking out just a little. I used to get like this back in school but I was a lot better during my degree and have been fine all this year so far; I thought I'd done so many exams that I'd got used to them. But apparently not. It started really badly in bed on Friday night when I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack (I'm guessing here having never had one!) then when I woke up on Saturday (after a very restless sleepless night) I started feeling nauseous and have ever since. Despite this new-found fear, though, I haven't been cramming that much; I seem to have subconsciously come to the conclusion that I'll never be able to remember 2 years of medicine, hence why I'm blogging right now. So I'm freaking out but doing little about it in the way of revision, great one Faye.

I keep saying to myself that I've passed all the modular exams well so I should be fine to pass these too, right? Well all except for the stupid mini-OSCE in December which I unjustly failed (but that's a whole different rant), resulting in a knocking of OSCE confidence...I wouldn't be surprised if I did something stupid like throw up or start crying on Wednesday! I keep oscillating between thinking I'm sufficiently prepared and will be fine....and thinking oh shit I know nothing, my brain is empty, I'm going to fail! I suppose failing wouldn't be the end of the world as I would be able to retake in would just massively mess up my finances for the next year since I need to work the entire summer just to stay afloat.

I guess a major part of the freaking out is fear of the unknown; maybe after this set of exams I'll be fine? I hope so as I can't go through another 3 years of getting like this!

Right, now I feel suitably rested having showered, eaten dinner and blogged, I'll try and shove a bit more (probably useless as it's always the randomest stuff that comes up) info into my poor overworked brain of mush.